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This syndrome has caused me great emotional and psychological heartache, not to mention many sleepless nights. There’s no cure and no way out. However, with the many advances in psychology, I am now able to cope with what many experts have dubbed Middle Child Syndrome.

It is a chronic disorder and can be quite damaging. Being the middle child means not having a significant place in your own family. While the first-born gets praised for being the first at everything and the youngest can get away with murder due to cuteness, the middle child ends up competing for attention, love and a li’l respect.

Some say Middle Child Syndrome is a phase, which is partially true. It’s a series of phases wrapped up into one confusing childhood. My phases progressed in the following order:

Phase one: Coping with anonymity. I have an older sister as well as a younger sister — we are all one year apart. I first noticed that something wasn’t quite right in my family when I took a look at my family’s photo album which held a picture of my big sister Jennifer graduating from kindergarten next to my cute little sister Shakema. For some reason, I wasn’t in the picture.

When I was young it really hurt me to see that my sisters were getting more attention than I was. Jennifer is the first-born. Anything she does is a milestone because she was the first to do it. Shakema’s the youngest. My parents cherished her childhood because her’s was the last cute little face that they would ever raise. With me, it went like this: kindergarten graduation? Jennifer already did that. Cuteness? Forget it; Shakema’s got me beat.

Phase two: Trying to feel special. I often found myself desperately pleading for attention and would do my damnedest to get it. I would do cartwheels to impress the other kids, dance for the adults, and sing the “Star-Spangled Banner” for anyone who would look my way. When that didn’t work, I threw tantrums. Who could ignore a screaming seven-year old?

When I look back at the five years I spent in phase two, I can’t help but feel a tad embarrassed. People paid attention to me only because I was making a complete fool of myself.

Phase three: Anger. This was when my parents started looking up local therapists. Phase three was my way of getting even. I used to yell at my little sister, put her down, and even hit her. When I got in trouble I blamed her and took matters into my own hands. Phase three ended rather abruptly — not because I felt bad, but because Shakema started hitting back.

Phase four: Denial. Denial shaped me into the person I am today. I started joining clubs, programs, and cliques to avoid going home. This not only made me outgoing and productive, as well as important. I did things similar to writing this column in which I blame all of my issues on being the second born of three children.

I would also flaunt my cool new life in front of my sisters who were still getting a lot of attention from my parents. They often told me how lucky I was that my dad didn’t mind me going to my friends’ houses, coming home late, or even going to Chicago. Hey, it was about time I started getting some perks. The number of phases a middle child goes through depends on the person and their willingness to walk in their siblings’ shadows. My best friend in the fifth grade was also a middle child. Seven years later, she is now in Phase six: EMO, which is miles away from Phase five: Emotional-yet-recoverable breakdown. My advice to her and all middle children is to find one thing that you think makes you feel special and hold on to it for dear, sweet life. Like I said, Middle Child Syndrome in incurable, but with proper care, a middle child can grow up to enjoy a virtually drama free life, give or take a few emotional outbursts.

I suggest a creative outlet. Creative expression vents feelings, whether good or bad, and also welcomes positive attention. I found that poetry, acting, modeling, journalism, dance, and doodling allowed me to adequately express myself. Middle children should also have a special place, song, story or joke, anything that no one else knows about. It’s important to have something that only you know about. Makes you feel unique.

With these suggestions in mind, along with full memorization of this article, we could soften the negative effects of Middle Child Syndrome. Although middle children will still exist, they shouldn’t have to suffer like I did.

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