| Miles apart, sisters grow together (12/07) | | Print | |
| Written by Bonnie Tong | |
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Most people celebrate when their older siblings leave home for college. They can finally get first dibs on the dish of fried quail, have priority over the time spent in front of the bathroom mirror and maybe even acquire their own room! But in my case, I am not celebrating. While I am glad that I have more space and freedom, and that I no longer need to cower at her feet during her “mean big sister” moments, I realize that now I cannot run to her crying about another backstabbing “friend,” another unjust teacher or another report card that does not read “4.0.” The most I can do now is type her a lousy e-mail detailing my woes and self-pity. I miss last year, when my sister was a senior at this school, when I could find her during our lunch period for a word or a much-needed hug of reassurance. I still remember shedding quite a few tears the night my family dropped my sister off at UCSD. This surprised me. I had not anticipated such a painful goodbye when she was still living at home because I had been looking forward to her departure ever since I was born. But as she turned from the car to walk back to her dorm, I suddenly missed her dreadfully, and thinking about the next few months at home without her support brought me a good deal of grief. It has been three months since my sister first left for college, and I would be lying if I said that my situation at home has not changed with her away. First of all, I am the new scapegoat. My parents used to blame my sister when things went awry. For example, if my parents went out and a pot was left on the oven for too long, it would be because she was irresponsible and didn’t watch the oven. Of course, it would be ludicrous to blame her for such trifling things now that she lives 488 miles from home. At times like this, I wish that I could teleport my sister back home and have her blamed for everything again, but now that I am practically living in her shoes, I have come to realize how difficult it was for her. However, being the oldest sibling at home does have several advantages, the most important being that I have twice as much authority over my two younger siblings. Believe me, it is wonderful to have them at my beck and call to perform my every wish. When my sister still lived at home, she did most of the bossing around, while my other siblings and I were her little subjects. However, I have stepped into the platform shoes that she left behind. I now enjoy the taste of being the big cheese. And even if the younger ones don’t pay attention to me when I order them around, which is often the case, I can still pretend to have authority — which is gratifying. Another plus with my sister at college is that I have to share the family computer with one less person. How I enjoy sitting in front of the computer, making up for all those missed hours that my greedy sister would get. Of course, she must enjoy having a laptop all to herself now, too. My sister and I are no longer as hostile toward one another as we used to be — we are definitely more compatible and kind over the Internet. When my mom takes us shopping now, I usually return home with the most new clothes. My sister used to get most of the new clothes, so it is a real privilege to have that benefit now. Before, a lot of my clothes were unappealing hand-me-downs from my sister, but now that she lives too far away to hand anything down to me, I am enjoying my “most favored daughter” status. I have grown more independent without a big sister to run to. In the past, if I didn’t understand a new concept at school, I would think, “Oh, that’s okay. I’ll just go home and ask my sister later.” However, it is rather tricky to ask her to explain a complicated geometric proof over instant messaging, so I’ve begun taking more initiative over my education and immediately asking my teachers for help or visiting them during office hours. I have come to realize that I truly value the companionship of my sister, no matter how often I previously claimed to hate her guts and longed for her to move away forever. I know that I will always half love and half hate her, for it is quite impossible to evade these sibling enmities, but I aim to count my blessings and show her my better side more often. I am definitely anticipating my sister’s return home for the winter holidays. We have only seen each other once in the three months since school started for her, so I definitely have a lot to share with her and so much to catch up on about her college life, whether it is about her classes, professors or new friends. We have both grown and changed over the past months, and become two very different people with new dynamics. We have experienced both the happiness and nuisance that living without the other brings, so I know that I will not be taking her for granted anymore. However, the three weeks of her break may just be the perfect length of time for reuniting — any longer and one of us would definitely crack. That said, everyone gives you a hearty welcome home for the holidays, Sis! |
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to listen.
