But my romantic ideals are virtually impossible. No man will dress in a full suit of armor and ride a unicorn for his woman unless he works at Disneyland. It is for this reason that I can say I have never fully invested emotionally in the opposite sex.

As a friend recently pointed out, I am 15 years old and I have never been out with a guy past sunset in my life. So?

“That’s pathetic!”

Is it really pathetic that my experiences with boys consist of no more than a handshake, or a timid hug? Maybe. Probably.

Hence this assignment, which requires total immersion in modern romance: the art of getting a prom date. The idea is devilishly simple. I must create a set of guidelines to getting a date in 10 days.

And so my own quest for a boy’s heart starts here. Fasten your saddles, because this girl is tired of being a waiting wallflower. She is going to sweep her Prince Charming off his feet – and get a prom date in 10 days.

Days One to Three:

Day One is like the three-day hump one experiences kicking a nicotine addiction. You either go for it or you turn back, cry, light a few cigarettes and never speak of the incident again. Day One also represents the biggest hurdle: choosing “the One.” The prince, the macho, the meat: the man you will spend one of the most precious moments of your life with. Not a decision to be made lightly, it took me days to choose the lucky man. At times I thought, “I can’t do this! I don’t even know what the real difference between an ionic and a covalent bond is! This is crazy!” But I got over it, and you will too. The man you choose should fit the following guidelines:

1. Choose a man that you at least know of. As romantic as it sounds to fall in love at first sight, this is prom we are talking about. All fantasies aside, a stranger is not the ideal prom date. Not only will it be awkward, but you might also discover some unwanted fetishes or quirks that could ruin your special night.

2. Never choose a guy with some kind of girl attached. Especially ex-girlfriends with benefits. This will only cause drama, and no one wants to stir trouble.

It took me days of confiding in my most trustworthy friends to actually decide who “the One” would be. It came as a shock when one of them, usually patient but frustrated with my indecision, finally yelled, “Stop being so picky! The ratio of girls to guys in Lowell is 3-to-1! Get over yourself and choose now before there is no more to choose from!” Thankful for this epiphany, I quickly went and made a pros-and-cons chart of all the possible candidates. The guy with the least cons turned out to be perfect: he had already met another member of my family; he was funny, comfortable in his own shoes, polite and really easy to talk to. I could almost hear my friends sigh with relief.

Once you have chosen the lucky man, establish some form of communication. Back in the 1400s, this might involve pigeon-carriers, trumpets and poems. Luckily for all of us, the technological 21st century does not require rhymes and wits worthy of Cyrano. If you are feeling really daring, give him your phone number. If you are less sure, give him your Internet information. But with my phone stolen and computer access restricted, the only option left was to try and seduce him into asking me to prom in the hardest way: in person. I am a naturally awkward individual and will only give hugs to my father, so you can understand my dismay. However, you might have chemistry online, but who knows what the firewalls are blocking?

Those who are self-conscious and easily tongue-tied should manipulate him into making the first approach. I had told my target, “Hey. Let’s talk in person!” Guys rarely make the first move for anything unless they are otherwise encouraged, so be creative. You only have 10 days!

Share stories – especially ridiculous and embarrassing ones. Reliving such memories makes you seem more confident. Telling outrageous stories about myself came naturally, to my surprise. I told my target that two guys who used to like me have turned gay; and that I once fondly named a knee infection “OG.” It shows him that if you can laugh at yourself, he can as well, and you won’t get mad about it.

Another tactic is to make his friends your allies. “It would be cool to go to prom with someone who I don’t really know,” I told one of his friends, hoping he would slip him this useful bit of information, and place me on that list of potential dates.

During Days One through Day Three, you will know that you are officially in business if he starts to initiate conversations. If he does not, talk to him more and find out what his interests are. Conversations are the building block of your blossoming relationship!

As cliché as it sounds, just be yourself. Why would you waste time on a guy who does not appreciate you for who you are? See if he is worth your time by showing him your true self.

Besides, it takes time to pretend to be someone else. Time is not something you have. After all, you only have 10 days!

Days Four to Day Six:

Days Four through Six are when he must know, loud and clear. that you desperately need a prom date and that your description of the perfect date vaguely resembles him. Initiate “innocent flirtation.” “Innocent flirtation?” you may ask. Is there such a thing? It does seem like an astronomically oxymoronic phrase. But flirtation does come way easier if you are timid and shy – innocent, in other words. In my case, my proclaimed bookworm status came in handy. When I come across a book on the streets, I do not look at it as refuse. Just recently, I saw a book on the floor of the girls’ locker room and read it front to back in the next three mods. The book happened to be The Art of Kissing by William Cane, my new secret weapon. What could possibly be a more obvious way to flaunt my intentions to my future prom date than to read this book with him?

In The Art of Kissing, there was a passage where readers are given a chance to tell the author what one of their unknown and bizarre obsessions are. One of these readers said, “I like being kissed directly in my armpits.” I showed my target this phrase, and he pledged that he would remember this for future reference. This is progress. But I better make it clear that I do not enjoy being kissed directly in my armpits.

Days Seven to Day Eight:

During these two days, make it painfully obvious that he is your perfect candidate for prom. Also, make sure that he is not looking at anyone else. Ask the people who know him best: his friends. Expect one of three reactions:

1) “Really? He needs a prom date, too. Why don’t you guys go together?” This is the best scenario. Even if his friend says this jokingly, know that every joke contains a tiny inkling of the truth. I once joked to my sister about hating the violin. I quit two months later.

2) “He might want to go with someone else...but I definitely see some possibilities!” If this happens, it is time to channel Xena: Warrior Princess: hold your ground and kick the other woman! Only joking. Do not kick her.

3) “He might want to go with someone else…bye!” If this unlikely event should happen, shake it off and move on to the next candidate – fast! Who needs a pathetic loser like that anyway? What did I get for a response? “He knows who he wants to go with. Wink.” Well. No turning back now. I think.

If you received reactions number one and two, make your interest so obvious the whole student body knows. Lay down the cold and hard facts: prom is looming, neither of you have dates, and it was written in the stars.

Now is the time to break out that self-assured woman who knows what she wants and is not afraid to get it. Okay, it was hard for me too, but think of it this way: stag at prom, carrying an extra copy of the Wall Street Journal in your purse? Or having fun, living life to the fullest for at least one night of your high school career with your Prince of the evening and no midnight limit coming into sight? Take your pick.

Days 9 to 10:

The day is about to arrive! You are both talking so much about prom it would make Confucius impatient. Your friends roll their eyes with disgust. It is now a success.

Wait a minute, he hasn’t even asked you yet!

Remember that although it seems like it’s bound to happen, you cannot relax until it actually does. If it’s nearing to the end of Day Ten and he still has not asked, then you have to seize the day and ask him. You might be thinking: why did I just waste the past 10 days in trying to get him to ask me then?

You have gained confidence, laughed at yourself and you had a legitimate conversation and even flirted with a member of the opposite sex. The only thing that you need to do to wrap these 10 days up is to stretch that newfound confidence a little further, take the initiative, and give him the permission to be your Prince Charming.

So, how did my Day 10 go? As I am writing this article, I am closing in on my tenth day. I did just what I am telling you to do. Well actually I used history to tell him why he should take me. “Do you have a date to prom yet?” I asked. “No,” he replied. Then, I made up a dumb reason and said since he did not go to Winter Ball with me, he has to take me to his prom. A text I got from him later wondered whether I just wanted to go to prom in general – and not so much with him. To prove my seriousness, I have decided to show my dedication with a public declaration, sans shame or embarrassment but with whole-hearted dignity.

So. You know who you are. Will you go to prom with me?